How I became obedient

The nature of any person is being shaped in childhood. The way I brought up I wasn't allowed to do many things.. You shouldn't go road side ... No talking with strangers.. Don't get anything from others even if its your friend giving you for free..no foul words..no quarrel.. don't decide anything by your own. talk to us if you want anything, we will decide whether you need or not..
etc.. and some funny ones like don't run inside house.. floor will break.. don't make this much noise like a Hippo.. Don't touch TV, it will stop working...

But when I think back, its not the restrictions but the way I reacted to them is interesting. I was neither happy nor frustrated. May be its some of my experience that made me obedient. I can remember one incident. One of my friend gave me a post card with a wonderful picture on one side. He told "Its yours" "Really ? !!"  "yes". I was so happy. I put it somewhere safe in my room. After one month he came back to me and asked about his Post card. Now he want that back !!. I said OK.. I went to my room and searched for the Post Card. But I couldn't find it. He threatened me to tell teacher and parents that I took his Post Card and not giving it back. This parent -Teacher threatening made me so upset. Then somehow I managed to find it in couple of days. By that time couple of lessons was learnt by my subconscious mind. Always follow the directions/commands from elders. And "never get anything from others even if its your friends !!".

And now I know, this particular 'law' was so strong in my mind that I didn't break it for a long time since I turned mature enough say 18 years or so...

Fear

Fear is an interesting emotion. There won't be anyone in the world without any fear. There are different types of fear ranging from Acrophobia (Fear of height) to Nomophobia (Fear of losing mobile phone).

Here is a list of different phobias. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_phobias.

I have a special type of Social Phobia which became a reason for this blog. I believe my fear is a version of Anthropophobia. My problem is talking to people or being in a social gathering. I'm not like I hate people. In fact I love people and I like to be with them. But only that I like to be with them without showing my presence. In other words I like to be with them as I'm watching a movie. I neither want to have a conversation with them nor a conversation about me.

But then how I would tell people about myself, my dreams, my feelings.... I can't talk to them. I am afraid of their responses when I do that, whether would they embarrass me in a group. Or would they talk to other guys about me and laugh at me or would I have to face difficult follow up questions in future !!! etc. etc.

So what I can do is post it somewhere and open that to the world. Internet and google is there to help me. It just now reminded me of a joke I heard. Two guys were speaking in local language. "Google can do anything. Google is father of everyone "  "May be yours... but Not Mine !!"